My testimony today

I grew up in a very Christian home and was "saved" when I was 12. I tried to live the life of a Christian until I graduated from High School, but it never seemed very real to me. Even after High School and I was married...thoughts of religion kept creeping into my consciousness. But you see...my problem was that I had never really met this Jesus that everyone always talked about...at least not as a real person... never the "relationship" that I always heard so many other people talk about. Through the years I tried to fill that void with many other things (like my marriage, my children, my career, etc.). As fulfilled as I was with these things...I always knew there was still something lacking. I wanted to find God...I wanted to find Jesus...but having grown up in the church, there was nothing new anyone could tell me! I knew that Jesus died on the cross for me and forgave me of my sins and that someday I would die and go to heaven... but it all seemed so void of feelings. At one point in my life, I had pretty much given up finding what so many other Christians seemed so happy to have. I threw out everything "Christian" in my house (except for Bibles...because I knew that would be "wrong"). I had given up all hope of having a "relationship" with Jesus because I just thought it was impossible. I thought maybe all the other Christians were faking it... or maybe if it was true.... I wasn't good enough to be able to have this relationship with Him. Then several years later, I was facing major surgery. But still... I would not turn to Jesus. I had promised myself that I would never turn to Him just because I was afraid or needed Him because I had seen too many people do that and then go back to their old lives afterwards. I did go through the surgery...and I was very sick for quite a few days. I remember my brother, who is a pastor, sitting beside my bedside praying and praying (no doubt for the salvation of my poor lost soul *grin*). Still...I would not call upon the name of Jesus! It wasn't until several weeks later...and I had went to one of my brother's services (from a promise that I had made to him to attend)... that the question was asked, "If you died tonight...do you know where you would go?". Wow...that really made me start to think! I had pushed the idea of heaven and hell out of my mind for so many years! Sooo...I decided to seek this Jesus one more time at the alter. You may not believe this...but, I found out that JESUS IS REAL!!! Hallelujah!! He came to me that night in a way that I never thought possible!! I knew for the first time what all of those other Christians were talking about! He filled me with a Love so great, that I couldn't contain it within myself. He began speaking to me and leading me like He was just right beside me (which of course, He Was)!!! About a year after I had rededicated my life back to Jesus... I knew that the Lord was calling to an even deeper relationship. He wanted to give me more of His Spirit and provide me with more power to be able to live a more victorious life. That is when I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. There's no way that I could ever convince you that Jesus is real... all I have is what I know and have experienced. It has been over 5 years since I gave my life back to the Lord and it is still as sweet as the first day! I write this only to encourage you to keep on seeking Him! It may seem like an impossible journey... but, when you seek Him...you WILL find Him, when you seek Him with your whole heart! (Jer. 21:13)